By Arshia Mahajan (25S06R) and Klaire Ho Xin En (25S03C, Peer Helper)
Your resident Aunties and Uncles are back with our Ask Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset column, this time as a collaboration between Raffles Press and Peer Helpers’ Programme (PHP)! Ever wanted to rant about that someone you just can’t stand? Overwhelmed with too many feelings? Submit your confessions to https://tinyurl.com/RIAAUU and we’ll give them our best shot. This column will be published at the end of every month.
“There has been so many friendship issues surrounding me, and I feel like I didn’t do anything to get hate from them. But for some reason, I’m caught in all this messy drama that was created, and I really want to get out of it. Everyone just says to stick to my close circle of friends but I feel like even they don’t like me either.”
Woeful William
Dear Woeful William,
Getting involved in drama that you want no part of is one of the most unpleasant, yet perhaps inevitable, parts of school life. It can be incredibly isolating and overwhelming, and can leave you wondering if your friends are really genuine.
Now that you’re in this situation, it may seem impossible to get out, and you may have resigned yourself to just toughing it out. Don’t give up just yet, though – we’ve got some advice for you!
So, you were just minding your own business, perhaps catching up on tutorials, when all this drama came out of nowhere, even though it shouldn’t have anything to do with you. However, one way or another, you’re involved now, and you have no choice but to figure out your part in the whole thing.
Everyone around you is going to have their own opinion, and they’re all going to want to share it with you. Before you get engulfed by everything they’re saying, it can be helpful to take a step back and assess what’s happening.
Try to figure out what exactly led to these problems arising in the first place, and it will become easier for you to come to a decision.
Perhaps it seems like there is nobody on your side to support you. As such, it can be helpful to seek guidance and support from the counsellors at the Raffles Guidance Centre, or any trusted external party.
Being a third party, they can shed more light on the situation with their neutral perspective. This can help you reflect more clearly on yourself, your friends, and the entire issue in general.
Once you have a better grasp on the situation, you will automatically have more clarity on how to address it.
Communication
If you feel comfortable with it, try having honest conversations with the people involved. Sometimes, a direct conversation can clear up any misunderstandings and help rebuild trust.
It sounds like you’re in a tough spot, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling frustrated and isolated.
Navigating friendship issues can be incredibly draining, especially when it feels like you’re caught in the middle of drama that you didn’t create.
While it can be scary to confront your peers, sometimes it is a necessary step in settling the conflict. More often than not, the other people involved are in the same boat as you, looking for a way to resolve the situation.
By opening up to each other, you will be able to understand each other’s perspective better, and ensure that something similar doesn’t happen again.
If you don’t communicate directly with them, it can lead to more speculation and misunderstandings on both sides, which would then escalate the problem further. The longer the issue goes unresolved, the more it will fester, and the harder it becomes to address.
To avoid this, it’s better to get it over with and tackle it early on.
However, this conversation can be tough, and sometimes, a little bit awkward. If you want to make it easier, you can try preparing the points you want to bring up beforehand and rehearse with a trusted friend.
This can help you make sure you get your point across and you will be more prepared to deal with what your friends might have to say.
Self-Care
Having to constantly worry about others’ opinions of you can become very draining in the long run. Since you are unable to control how others think of you, we urge you to focus on adopting a more beneficial mindset by focusing on yourself.
You have to realise that the most sustainable type of love, and the only one that truly matters, is self love.
Self-love can be cultivated through engaging in self-care activities to actively improve and maintain your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
On this note, we hope you recognise that self-care is more than simply pampering yourself; it is about making choices that benefit your overall happiness.
The most common forms of self-care are regular exercise, eating a balanced diet and getting adequate rest.
These all fall under physical self-care, and are helpful in boosting your mood and reducing stress. Other forms of self-care include (but are not limited to):
- Expressing your feelings freely through journaling and other creative outlets like art or music (emotional self-care)
- Engaging in your hobbies (emotional self-care)
- Practising relaxation exercises like deep breathing, meditation, or even taking a warm bath (emotional self-care)
- Challenging negative thoughts by identifying and reframing them (mental self-care)
- Keeping your environment organised to reduce stress (mental self-care)
Ultimately, self-care is a personalised journey. So, it is important to find what works best for you and your needs.
To begin incorporating self-care into your daily routine, we recommend starting with small, manageable practices, then gradually building up to bigger changes.
During this process, you should acknowledge that it is okay to have off days; what matters is getting back on track.
Friendship issues can be really complex and emotionally demanding, so always be kind to yourself as you navigate through these tough times.
It is essential to realise too that sometimes, relationships evolve and change, and that is a natural part of life.
Sincerely,
Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset
If you need anyone to talk to about any issues you might be facing, do drop by My Rest Space near Marymount gate and talk to one of our peer helpers! We’re open on Tuesday from 2.30 – 4.30 p.m, Wednesday 11.00 a.m. – 3.00 p.m., Thursday 2.30 – 4.30 p.m. and Friday 1.30 – 4.30 p.m. If you would like to meet a peer helper on a regular basis, do email us a request at rafflesinstitutionphp@gmail.com or fill in our request form at our website https://rafflesinstitution5.wixsite.com/rafflespeerhelpers/peer-helping-request!