Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset: The Search for the Real Me…

By Kavya Thirunavukkarasan (25S03I) and Kwie Yun Yi (25S07A, Peer Helper)

Your resident Aunties and Uncles are back with our Ask Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset column, this time as a collaboration between Raffles Press and the Peer Helpers’ Programme (PHP)! Ever wanted to rant about that someone you just can’t stand? Overwhelmed with too many feelings? Submit your confessions to https://tinyurl.com/RIAAUU and we’ll give them our best shot. This column will be published at the end of every month.

Dear Confused Cedric,

First impressions are crucial when making new friends. They often set the tone for future interactions and can heavily influence whether someone wants to continue building friendships with you. As we transition into new environments and meet unfamiliar people, the desire to make a good first impression can be overwhelming. We all want to be liked and accepted by whoever we meet; we all want to fit into that jigsaw puzzle. However, in the process of trying to gain acceptance, and earn that ticket to be a part of the “cool” club, we may compromise our true selves. As the days go by, you realise you barely recognise yourself anymore; you don’t even remember what kind of a person you were; you realise you’ve lost yourself.

Don’t worry Cedric, we understand. You’re not alone in this search — the search to find yourself, your real self. 

Authenticity

How long will you wear this mask? How long will you keep putting on an act? How long? Studies show that constantly putting on a façade creates chronic stress, leaving you feeling drained and anxious. Over time, this disconnect between your true self and the persona you project can result in burnout, mental and physical health complications, and a deep sense of emptiness. The harder you try to suppress your feelings and actions, it will eventually surface sooner or later no matter what.

Authenticity. Being true to who you are, what you feel, and what you believe in.  When you present yourself authentically, you are more likely to attract people who appreciate you for who you are, rather than for the persona you project. You are able to form genuine connections that are more fulfilling and long-lasting than those built on a façade. You don’t have to live as someone you are not. You don’t have to feel guilty for being you. Embrace yourself for who you are and you’ll soon realise that others will do the same.

Setting Boundaries

Boundaries. Recognising when you are compromising too much of yourself to be liked is important. As much as you don’t want to “ruin the vibes” or “don’t want to FOMO (fear of missing out),” learning to say no when you’re uncomfortable is crucial. Setting boundaries means understanding and respecting your own limits—whether it’s emotional, physical, mental, time, or material—and communicating them to others. It’s about protecting your well-being by not taking on emotional burdens that aren’t yours, standing firm in your values, and prioritising your time and energy. While it might feel difficult at first, especially if you worry about being seen as rigid or unapproachable, setting boundaries is actually a way to honour yourself and create healthier, more respectful relationships. Prioritising your well-being over validation doesn’t make you less likeable; it allows you to connect with others authentically and sustainably.

Embracing Vulnerability

What if other people find me weird? What if they don’t like me for who I am? What if I can’t make any friends? What if? 

Vulnerability. It’s natural to feel vulnerable when you reveal your true self, but this vulnerability can be a strength. Sharing your thoughts and feelings openly can help foster deeper connections with others. Besides, people tend to respond positively to honesty and openness, creating a sense of trust and mutual respect.

Communication

Effective communication is key to building and maintaining genuine relationships. Be clear and honest in your interactions, and listen actively to others. Show empathy and understanding, and be willing to share your own experiences and perspectives.

Love Yourself First

Be kind to yourself. As you try to navigate the complexities of social interactions, it is normal to feel uncertain or awkward at times. Acknowledge your efforts and recognise that it’s okay to make mistakes. This search is a continuous process, and it’s important to be patient with yourself. 

Learning to balance the desire for social acceptance with the need for authenticity is a delicate but essential skill. By embracing your true self, setting boundaries and feeling comfortable with being vulnerable, you can forge meaningful and lasting connections without compromising who you are. Remember, the most fulfilling relationships are those where you can be your true self—accepted and appreciated for who you truly are :) 

Sincerely,

Aunt Agony & Uncle Upset

If you need anyone to talk to about any issues you might be facing, do drop by My Rest Space near Marymount gate and talk to one of our peer helpers! We’re open on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday from 3 – 5 p.m., and Wednesday 11.00 a.m. – 1.00 p.m. If you would like to meet a peer helper on a regular basis, do email us a request at rafflesinstitutionphp@gmail.com or fill in our request form at our website: https://rafflesinstitution5.wixsite.com/rafflespeerhelpers