By Cheah Zong Heng (24S06P), Stella Teo (24S06M, Peer Helper)
Your resident Aunties and Uncles are back with our Ask Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset column, this time as a collaboration between Raffles Press and Peer Helpers’ Programme (PHP)! Ever wanted to rant about that someone you just can’t stand? Overwhelmed with too many feelings? Submit your confessions to https://tinyurl.com/RIAAUU and we’ll give them our best shot. This column will be published at the end of every month.
When I am tired, I realise I tend to be more emotional and less able to control my emotions. How do I reign my emotions in when I am tired after a long day of school?
Tired Tom
Dear Tired Tom,
Ah, the much-dreaded storm of emotions we feel at the end of the day after a long day of frustration, impatience and pure exhaustion. Any provocation now will unleash your emotional floodgates.
This phenomenon is all too familiar for many of us. 51% of Generation Z’ers reported feeling more emotional in 2022.
Yet, the emotional roller coaster you (and many others) are experiencing when tired is only a tiny subset of symptoms that result from “emotional exhaustion”.
Emotional exhaustion typically manifests in a wide range of symptoms from apathy (an unnatural lack of emotions) to increased irritability and tearfulness. Other physical symptoms could include fatigue, headaches or even the lack of appetite.
Think of your mind as a bucket and stress as the water that fills it. Though the “water level” (representing your stress levels) may vary from time to time, your bucket has a finite capacity. Without any opportunity to drain your stress bucket during the school day through rest breaks, your stress bucket will likely be full or even overflowing. Naturally then, one would find it harder, if not impossible, to take on any additional stressors, undermining one’s emotional regulation abilities.
Be it the heavy academic load or the interpersonal conflicts you face during school, all these stressors will undoubtedly fill up your “stress bucket”. When this happens, emotional exhaustion is one of its consequences.
When you are facing these overwhelming but inevitable emotions, it is worth taking a deep breath and remembering that feelings will normally come and go. This is perfectly encapsulated in this poem penned by Rumi, titled “The Guest House”, about how we should treat emotions like visitors — with respect, gratitude and mindfulness.
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Oftentimes, practising emotional mindfulness can help in processing how you feel and calming down. The first step to mindfulness is to take a moment to identify your own emotions. What are you feeling right now? What happened today that made you feel this way? What do you want to do about these feelings? Act as an observer of your own emotions and ask yourself how your feelings are affecting you.
After you have figured out your feelings, the next step is to accept, rather than downplay these emotions. You can do this by consciously assessing how you think about these emotions.
Instead of pushing your uncomfortable feelings away to make them disappear, you can process them by writing them down (though journaling) or talking to a trusted person. This could help you to become more comfortable with negative emotions and be less likely to react aggressively.
However, when you are low in energy, it can be tough to control your annoyance or other negative emotions. You may even hurt others unintentionally if you flare up. In these circumstances, you can think about the possible harm your actions will cause to others. Could I wound my loved ones with my hurtful words? What if my violent action done in the spur of the moment causes serious injury? Might I do or say something that I could regret later? These questions ground us and remind us to think of others.
When you are tired, the best option sometimes is to give yourself space. Try to take a moment to yourself if you feel on edge, especially in upsetting situations. This can be done by taking a walk, listening to a song, or by expressing your emotions to friends or family. Sometimes, that short distraction can prepare us to feel more ready to deal with our emotions and tasks. Another good technique is proper deep breathing, notably the 4-7-8 method, breathing in for 4 seconds, holding the breath for 7 seconds and exhaling for 8 seconds.
At the end of the day, while stress is a constant presence in many of our lives, it also can tire us out emotionally and mentally. Getting enough sleep, spending time with trusted friends and taking time to exercise and rest is also very important! Remember that you’re not alone in experiencing these emotions and even mistakes can be chances to learn and grow, so be kind to yourself :)
Sincerely,
Aunt Agony and Uncle Upset
If you need anyone to talk to about any issues you might be facing, do drop by My Rest Space near Marymount gate and talk to one of our peer helpers! We’re open on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday from 3 – 5 p.m, and Wednesday 11.00 a.m. – 1.00 p.m. If you would like to meet a peer helper on a regular basis, do email us a request at rafflesinstitutionphp@gmail.com or fill in our request form at our website https://rafflesinstitution5.wixsite.com/rafflespeerhelpers